Catching Up

Since I've lately had some new visitors from my entry on Fresh Modesty. To answer a few questions:

My blog title "The Marchioness" is taken from a character in Charles Dickens' book "Old Curiosity Shop." I love Dickens' works, and that particular character seemed a humorous comparison to myself. I've been blogging since I was seventeen, although I've changed my blog address since then

Messrs. W and J hanging out in the laundry room

I am in Russia because I'm of the mind that when travel opportunities come along I should take them, especially right now while I'm single(which is hopefully not permanent). This particular opportunity came along at Presbytery last May, when the Ds mentioned they were looking for nannies to go with them to Russia. The Ds have eight children under almost thirteen, and knowing they would have a busy speaking schedule while overseas they sought out extra help.

 

Monday morning I found out that Grandma had been admitted to the hospital on Saturday, her ninety-fourth birthday. She's now home on Hospice, but we don't expect her to live very much longer. It's been frustrating, stressful and depressing to have this going round in my head. I'm hoping she can hold out for eleven more days.

Feeding the birds leftover lunch.

The D parents arrived home from Trip 1 on Monday night. As a welcome home I made "my" chocolate cake(recipe here). It turned out different than normal, probably because I haven't figured out the oven temperature controls. Thankfully frosting covers a multitude of sins. The frosting turned out super rich because the only plain chocolate at the corner store was 90%. Wow. That was a good Russian experience.

The Ds second speaking trip was still up in the air late last night. They sent out a request for additional funds, since the money for Trip 2 was spent on the extra visa costs(Many thanks to the T family for covering all my remaining expenses!) and extra funds did come in; but the schedule was still in question. In fact, it was changing every hour and I got to the point of thinking JUST GO ALREADY! Mentally, of course. I would never say that. Today they're booking flights, so I think the trip is a go.  

In other news, Miss N threw up last night.

Departure in eight..four, now wait, two, oh never mind.

Yes, I'm leaving soon and totally freaking out about it. Until last Tuesday my time was taken up with costumes and church events, so I've just now been able to think about packing and all the little details that come with travel. I can't really say why I'm stressed, but I'm pretty sure I am.

Our collective traveling party(zoo?) of family and nannies learned last week we'll be sharing the apartment of a missionary family in St. Petersburg during our stay there. I'm not concerned about dealing with the adorable D children, because I know they're well-disciplined; but even so I have no illusions about what it will be like to live in an apartment with eight children and eight-ish adults. That's just a lot of people in one space. I'm sure it will be very sanctifying. I'm probably being too pessimistic about that. Happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts. Or sleeping pills might work too.

In other news, Grandma's in the hospital because of an infection in her leg. It seems strange not to hear her muttering(because she talks aloud to herself all the time) and throwing her TV remote down when she gets frustrated with the TV. It's also a bit of a relief. Having Grandma is not maybe as horrible as I've made it sound; but she is almost constantly negative(even when she's not mad) and very self-centered; so there is a sort of underlying stress of "what if Grandma gets really mad today." When someone is always negative it's wearing, and it's like a kind of mental poison that I have to consciously resist. Life lesson: Make a habit of Godly positive thinking or you'll poison people's minds.

Grandma at Home

By my rough count Grandma has lived with us for a total of nine weeks. For the most part it's going very well. Grandma can still wash, dress and feed herself. However, she's very hard of hearing and has poor eyesight. On top of that Grandma has always been a strong-willed, outspoken woman. And like the little girl with the curl, when Grandma gets mad, she gets really mad.

Visiting Grandma once or twice a week did not entirely prepare me for this: when we would help her at her apartment she would be thankful and grateful, and if she was out of sorts she was usually just depressed, not angry. She couldn't live alone anymore, she knew it, and she very much wanted to move in with us. Which was all a huge change from just five years ago, when (at age 88) she insisted she would never want to live with us.

This past week has been probably the most challenging so far. Any little issue could become a point upon which Grandma could become a martyr. Grandma alternately doesn't want to trouble us and then a bit later will want to be pampered constantly. How do you tell a mad ninety-three year old woman who doesn't want to listen that she can't bawl people out? When Grandma acts like a selfish child how can one enforce understandable consequences?

Grandma could be a huge encouragement to the family if she had a mind to. She has the time to invest interest into her family, especially the boys who until now have seen any of their Grandparents but rarely. I'm very grateful I was able to care for Grandma before she moved here because I got to know her much better than most of the Grandchildren. And really, she's so old. She's a piece of family history that we'll lose once she's gone. But after thirty five years of living alone (plus good dollop of total depravity) she's so focused on herself she can't think of how she could be a blessing.

Grandma might turn out to be a cross to bear. And that could be a blessing too. We're still figuring it all out.