Shopping in a Diseased Country

John was home today so I ran errands that I don't often do and would rather not do with the girls. I went to five stores in three hours. I didn't find everything I wanted but I did get chocolate milk! 

It's always an interesting experience to go shopping these days because it's a small window into the world, a face to face sampling of society(as opposed to the also very small window of social media). Or should I say, mask-to-mask. Thankfully I've not gone anywhere where masks were absolutely required, because I don't want to wear one. I really dislike how wearing masks de-humanizes people. I dislike going out and not seeing people's faces. It makes them more like robots because you can't see any facial expressions or emotions. It's difficult to even hear what people are saying. Masks cut human interaction down to almost nothing, and I don't like that.

People out and about today were very friendly, but I felt more of an underlying insistence, possibly even militancy, that people follow "the rules." And it's like people are walking on eggshells trying to keep them all(the rules). One lady standing in line behind me waiting to get into a store spoke with calm resignation of all of us living in fear. Another lady standing in line profusely thanked the woman next to her for being a hero and working as a nurse, even though she was a nurse in a psych ward, not an infectious disease ward. Such an odd flavor to our world right now. And so much social pressure. Social pressure never really bothers me. I can dress differently and live differently from culture and I'm fine being different. I think I get that from growing up homeschooled and also from mom. But won't all these people who do care about what society thinks start to crack at some point?

Also so many people living in fear of catching a disease. Coming out of the past four months has cemented in my mind that avoiding disease is not worth the cost of isolation; not for this long of a time. I can see the affect of isolation on people and while it may not be extreme yet, none of it is good. This situation also makes me think back on the three years we lived in Ft. Worth, and how I struggled with being alone. Being alone is bad! God said so!

It's Fall!

M has an intense fascination with shoes. She wears shoes, all the time. She changes shoes several times a day. Potty training and shoes do not go hand in hand. When you have to go potty four times an hour, it gets old real fast trying to get pants off and on around toddler shoes. Plus they smell terrible! And I get stepped on almost as many times in an hour as M has to go potty. This is life.

We continue to improve our new apartment.We purchased an area rug for the living area, and after upcoming repairs in the girls' room I have plans to repaint, hang pictures, put up M's swing, and hopefully get a lamp for better lighting. I have the desire for M to enjoy playing in her room (without being naughty) once it gets too cold to go outside. She's getting to that age where she needs to expend energy or we'll both go crazy.

Most of what sewing I am getting done is winter clothes for the girls: flannel nightgowns, fleece pajama pants, long sleeved T-shirts. I still enjoy creating even practical clothes for them, because it's a need that I can take care of myself. And they still look cute whether I make them fancy dresses or not!

So it's Fall now- for real! I bought our traditional cinnamon broom and spiced cider from Trader Joe's today. When we moved to Ft. Worth, I missed Fall. John and I had fun visiting all the health food stores in the area, and the spiced cider and cinnamon broom gave an appearance of Fall even when there was none- so it's an official family tradition now. I also bought some nice cheese, which said on the label it was soaked in sayah, but I didn't know what that was. Apparently it's a wine. Oh well!

At Night

The other night John mumbled a very concerned incoherent sentence in his sleep. I asked him, are you saying something? He replied, I'm just babbling, I guess. And then we went back to sleep.

Then yesterday, Baby E had a very upset stomach. Lots of crying and screaming all day long, up until 10pm. Finally we all could go to bed. John suggested we pray for poor Baby E. So he started, Lord please help Baby E.... was I just praying? He had dozed off in the few seconds between and carried on the conversation with barely a hitch.

We're sure getting tired of baby feedings at 4am and toddler wakings at 6am!

Groceries

We girls don't get out much so little things like getting groceries is a big deal these days! Usually I do my weekly shopping in two different stores for the choices of meat and produce I use. If John isn't free and I have to take the girls with me, it's like shopping as Christian in Pilgrims' Progress, before he loses his burden... maybe something like being a pack mule? It's just hard to go shopping with a baby and a toddler.

When John's schedule does accommodate, I feed the baby and then rush frantically off to buy everything needed for a week of eating.

Today I did the feed and rush. However, a tiny sprinkling of ice caused terrible traffic, delayed school, and one traffic light out that I saw. It was ridiculous- the roads were fine. But I sat in traffic for way too long to get to the store. It made me think, at least when we move the winter traffic will be bad for a reason!

Store number one. Ran around frantically grabbing things off the shelf. Cursed the cost of diapers. Bought something that could pass as a birthday present for John. Store number two. Slightly more relaxed. Resisted the temptation of popcorn, protein bars, and chocolate. Aimed to use my $5 off of $30 coupon. The fellow in front of me in line was one of those old guy types who likes to joke it up with everyone, so we chatted about cilantro and vegans. Then he offered to pay for my groceries, up to $25. I had my coupon, but my order came to $29.60! I had to spend .40 more. So I paid for the tomato of the lady behind me, used the coupon, the gentleman paid for $25, and I had $1.05 left to pay. It was amusing, and, considering the price of diapers, really nice.

It's February

Last night we had breakfast for dinner, and it reminded me why we don't have breakfast for breakfast. It's too time consuming! Tasty though- bacon, omelet with chipotle gouda, home-made wheat toast, and sparkling blackberry juice kombucha.

After dinner I was complaining to John about our neighbors, again. They were really pretty quiet as neighbors until they had a little boy. Turns out he's a toddler night owl, and every evening it sounds like someone is having a raucous bath at 9:30pm, or later. I shake my fist at the walls while getting the baby to sleep and hope our next neighbors- my family- will be quieter after nightfall!

We have just three months before we move over to those new neighbors. I was thinking of buying a container of oats, because we're almost out. But then I thought, would we eat a whole container of oats in three months? Probably not. Strike that off the grocery list because I can't stand to waste! We're going oatless.

New things

So lately I bought paprika for the first time ever, made puppy chow for the first time ever, and made ham bowl puff for the first time in years. Then this week while I was bagging my groceries before heading to the car a crazy man was wandering the parking lot, the manager had  to be called, but he was gone by the time I got out there so I missed it.

This week has been a wash with spit up and not much else. Baby E decided to gift us all with regurgitated milk in abundance, and the only reason I can think of for this week's terrible milk mess is possibly a growth spurt, or teething. She's definitely teething, anyway.

Our last semester has started. John's away to school and I'm impatient for school to be really over. I'm cleaning out the apartment as much as I can(which is going pretty slowly) and everything that we haven't used in the last three years is in jeopardy of being given away. Casserole dish? Gone. Baby shampoo? Gone. Fabric scraps? Gone. I love it. The babies keep me on my toes, and I know packing everything up and actually moving will probably be stressful, so I want to get a head start. It takes me so long to get anything done, better start now. I can't look away from M for a few seconds without her getting into trouble. This week her socks went into the toilet. I tried to include her in baking; it was stressful. At least she got to crack the eggs. Then after that mess she went and got her dirty sweater out of the laundry and started licking muffin batter off of it. Sigh. She's pretty cute, though, and watching her grow and learn is always enjoyable.

Birthdays

John and Baby M both had birthdays this past busy month of March. We were hither and yon, out and about.

Number one birthday was a nice outing to the Stockyards.

Number two wasn't too exciting, but super cute: a first birthday photo shoot.

Number three was with the other side of the family, and was sort of a vague merged gathering.

Anyway, we're back and done partying and it's back to business. While we were away there were some repairs done on our apartment to replace rotten floorboards. While that was a good thing, the bad thing was that the fridge got unplugged and all the food spoiled. I had a whole roast and pan of lasagna in there for when we got back! All spoiled and we had no food to eat upon return.

So while it was super weird to go grocery shopping on a Sunday, we agreed that it was an equivalent of pulling our donkey out of a well on the Sabbath; or maybe pulling out a rotten spoiled roast and pan of lasagna out of a well on the Sabbath.

We did get a non-rotten floor and new fridge, though.

Baby M at Christmas

Baby M celebrated her ten month birthday by getting a cold. I am thankful she's been in good health for most of her short life. Anyway, Christmas!

Baby M's first Christmas was a white one. We left the strange and balmy temperatures of Texas for a big family Christmas in Nebraska and the weather obliged us with a very pretty coat of snow. Margaret loved seeing her cousins every day and is turning out to be quite a social baby.

Exploring a bigger house than our apartment was a lot of fun. There's always something new to see!

Opening a Christmas Present

Margaret debuted her two new Christmas dresses, but without pictures. They are both from cotton scraps, and lined with flannel. They were plenty warm. They aren't anything special in cut, just general shapeless baby clothes.

But the hangers are even more interesting...

 

 

A small paisley print

Forest green dotted cotton and maroon linen trim.

Can the Baby come out now?

Well, maybe. It's coming soon, anyway. We're just past 37 weeks, the legal marker for home birth. I don't really expect the baby to go late, so it's good to reach this point. It's no longer worth it to shave my legs. Or bend over. Or lift anything. The baby's fine and healthy and seems determined to keep growing despite the protests of my abdominal muscles.

Baby Stuff- blankets and animals.

We're nearing the end and I've been blessed with several different baby showers. First, the enthusiastic Lutheran ladies, at Mildred's bidding. Second, a Thanksgiving brunch gathering with NE family and church friends. Next was evening tea with a few Seminary ladies, hosted by one of the Professors' wives. This past weekend was a Country brunch with the TX church ladies; and last but not least, a brunch with a few of John's side of the family in Dallas.

Diaper cake. Not really sure where to put it, but it's cute!

That all adds up to lots of little gatherings and gifts of helpful baby items(And just a few unhelpful ones) that we probably wouldn't have bought ourselves! It's a blessing. We're thankful for friends and family helping us prepare for our first baby.

Baptismal Gown

The Baptismal gown is finished!

I made the gown from leftover pieces of off-white lightweight linen. It's a pretty simple gown, mostly because we don't know if we're having a boy or girl and John didn't want lace and ribbons if it's a boy. Plus, any children we have will have to wear this and hopefully we will have a boy at some point! So anyway, a plain gown.

The gown has pleats in front and back, and simple trim on the reinforced hem. Plain cuffs and collar. A button at the back neck and ribbons to gather in as needed.

In researching baptismal gown traditions it seems to be a more high-church tradition, with the white gown symbolizing innocence and purity(not very Calvinistic!). Our family has never had a family baptismal gown; I made one more for the sake of starting a family tradition, to make the baptism of new babies special. Plus it's a fancy, gender-neutral garment already prepared beforehand.

So that's one more thing checked off the to-do list!

January Starts the Count-down

We are seven weeks out from projected baby arrival. Lists are being made. There's lots of little things like stock up on PB&J and toilet paper, but the main two goals look like this:

• Clean entire house thoroughly by 37 weeks
• Put food in freezer

Current state of the baptismal gown: needing lace. Current state of the quilt I'd really like to finish: close! Current state of my last sewing order: Ugh. Buttonholes.

I've had some pregnancy discomfort, but nothing really bad. It will be nice to not be rotund in the middle again; I look forward to more variety in sleeping positions! One thing I am looking forward to being over are the comments people make to pregnant women. I had no idea! People tend to all say the same things when they don't really know what to say. It also seems like younger women have been positive about childbearing, but the older women have tended to be negative. That's hard. Here are a few of the most common comments received:

• You look tired.
• How are you feeling?
• You look like you're not enjoying this stage.
• That baby will not come early.
• Your life will change forever.
• I know you haven't found out the gender, but what do you feel like it is? (I get this one ALL the time and I seriously do not know!)
• Take naps/have fun now because you won't be able to later!
• Childbearing causes your stomach muscles to separate/brain cells deplete/vitamins become deficient/whatever horrible health consequences.

Hearing these comments over and over tends to annoy me a bit. I'm thankful for a very calm, positive midwife and a husband who listens to my rants. The subtle attitude of negativity from some has left me desiring to be encouraging about childbearing to younger women, whenever I get to that higher position. For myself, I did not get married with the desire to remain childless. I did not go through ten years of singleness to turn around and bemoan the relatively short discomforts of pregnancy(except to John!). To add more perspective, we know that infertility can be very common. We see friends struggling with this and are very grateful we have not had any such painful issues. We are thankful to be having a baby, and I for sure do not need anyone to tell me about the physical discomforts of producing one!

A baby is a total life change? Yes. But I'm thankful that I'm not going into this blind. Our parents had no clue how to take care of a baby. I helped raise four younger siblings- they were so cute. And they hate to be reminded that I changed their diapers. I welcome ideas, and advice, if I ask for it, but I don't want older women to tell me how to raise or train my baby, especially if it's presented from a negative viewpoint. I already have experience and opinions, and quite a bit of available information. Plus, I will figure out my baby when it arrives. Which I am looking forward to!

I'm thankful- for a healthy, gender-unknown baby, arriving soon.

Baby Things

One or two Mondays a month I go spend the morning with a group of retired ladies tying blankets together for charity. They're Lutherans, which is a nice break from Baptists, and while they do mostly talk about their health issues they can be an interesting group. Most of the ladies are widowed, all are retired, and all of them are well above sixty-five. Mildred is the eighty-something powerhouse ringleader.

First baby gifts!

I stayed away the whole three months of morning sickness(because I was sick), and when I went back Mildred decided they needed to give me a shower. That was Monday, and Mildred was so excited she said it was like Christmas. It was very sweet of the ladies and exciting to be given baby things. Apparently Mildred has everyone convinced that our baby will be a girl. And I now have plenty of onesies, if nothing else.

Quilt top

I've put together a quilt top for a baby blanket but I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish it before the due date. Ir's made entirely from scraps from my stash, so very practical. I'm under no delusions that this will probably be the only baby blanket I will ever make, so if I have more than one child, they'll just have to share!

Matrimony on the Horizon

"When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married."

Sometimes things happen.

And I'm getting married.

I feel like this announcement may be slightly overdue, but that's probably just because of the speed that Facebook adds to any public relationship. We've been engaged for just a week, but already people are asking for invitations to the ceremony. I'm working on that, I promise!

So for years I've been saying that I would probably never get married(like Benedick), because for most of my life the reality was that I would probably never get married. And I was just starting to be ok with that when I got interrupted, by a guy.

Having observed many agonizing weddings over the years, I know exactly what I want mine to be like, so plans are moving along fairly quickly. I am still taking sewing orders through Thanksgiving, but whether or not I'll have time to post about my projects- that's another question!

We went on Vacation

The title pretty much summarizes the post, so now you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

Over the holiday weekend pf July 4th we took a family vacation down South at the insistence of the more cultured graft of our immediate family, who found a cabin near a lake for the two married couples, all the originals, and a random additional person to stay for almost a week of relaxation. The lake was a little flooded, it rained a lot, and you had to rent a boat anyway, so we didn't do much with the water. We mostly just sat around and ate. And except for the extremely bowed couch bed that I got to sleep on, it was good. My poor back.

A bald bearded monkey and a bald beardless monkey

Everyone actually got to hold the baby, code name Monkey, and everyone is looking forward to the arrival of the next available baby, code name Banana.

Everyone got a much needed back-rub.

They played board games. I played one game. We read. We mourned the lack of internet. We ate, drank, and were, for the most part, merry. There was excess of Presbyterian beverages and all the best movies: Monsters Inc.- Mom laughs every time as if it's the first time she's seen it. Megamind- Revange, a dish best served cold. Wreck-it Ralph- a classic.

An Angel?

We ate a lot of food, and I think the Angel food cake was my favorite.

Ruins at Ha Ha Tonka

We didn't go out much; we went for a walk on the 4th, out to lunch one day, out for ice cream another. When we went for a walk we stopped at Ha Ha Tonka State Park(which means laughing waters, and which everyone loved saying). It was free and had paved walks(essential for hiking with the Monkey). One of the walks was along a drop-off above the river, where we saw the ruins of a stone house built in the 1920's, and burned in the 1940's. All a little bit shady, but makes for an interesting walk nowadays.

And that was our holiday!

Well Watered

It's been raining a lot here. There was actually way more water in the basement than we realized, so as soon as Mom and Dad got home they had to move more furniture and re-vacuum the entire area(Dad also gave the gutters a much needed cleaning). Our basement was a mess. We managed to get it cleaned up just in time for the guests to arrive.

One of the wild cousins.

Grandma's memorial service was Monday morning. All her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren came for the service. We hosted all the wild people, four adults and six children under the age of six. Lots of cute kids, but all very loud- I guess we're not used to that anymore. Ten of the guy cousins are planned an airsoft war following the funeral lunch at our house, which we delicately refrained from mentioning to the pacifist side of the family. Funerals, it seems, are a lot like weddings: I just can't understand all the drama and unnecessary details. But overall, the service went smoothly and we're thankful.

But also very cute.

I have a custom order right now, and it's pretty epic. It's a Steampunk tailcoat for a very tall person. It's black cotton twill with metal buttons and one welt pocket. I left vents in the side seams, because it's such a long coat I felt it would hang better and move easier. The customer specifically asked for the collar to be extra tall. It reminded me of the stereotypical Dracula costumes; only the person who will be wearing it is cheerful enough that I don't think it will be a problem once he puts it on. Pictures will hopefully follow.

Alice in Wonderland dress, finally done.

Processing

Mom and Dad are traveling again, to visit another church. The boys and I have been working on cleaning out Grandma's room to make it ready for guests staying for the funeral. We wanted it to look different for their sakes, so that they weren't constantly reminded that's where Grandma died.

A quick break after cleaning out Grandma's room

My brain keeps telling me that I have to check on Grandma every hour, buy her groceries, take her food, or give her pills. But I don't have to any more. We don't have to go home early to check on Grandma. It's so quiet because Grandma isn't talking(or complaining) constantly. It's all a little strange, but honestly, also something of a relief. It's hard to explain this to people without feeling like a horrible person, but caring for Grandma did take up a lot of time. It's good that she stayed with us for her last three years. It's good we could make her last years comfortable. The whole happening has given good opportunities for discussion.

Sewing: Alice, Dress One

We're also fighting invading cockroaches, and we got a whole lot of water in the basement. What else could possibly happen before Mom and Dad get home?

Alice, Dress Two

Planning a Funeral

When Caleb and I came home from church Sunday afternoon we found that Grandma had died while we were at the service. It was a momentous day: Grandma went to heaven, I found a body and called 911 for the first time.

Half of the family was out of town. Looking back I kind of wish I had had more presence of mind, but not knowing, really, what a dead person looked like, I called 911 right away. It was probably obvious, but being inexperienced and in shock we really couldn't tell if she was dead! The ambulance came, two policemen and a detective(because it was an in-home death), and finally, the funeral home. That was an awkward call: Hello, I have a body in my home, can you come pick it up? The whole process from discovery to transportation took three hours, but it felt longer. I was surprised afterwards how shell-shocked I was.

Considering how we found her, it seems that she died very quickly, and considering her age and the state of her health, that is completely understandable. We had talked about this as a family, and knew that the most comfortable way for Grandma to go would be a sudden death, at home. It was one of the evident Providences- there was no slow decline. It was a good thing that Caleb and I found her together, and not one of the younger boys, or for that matter, one of our guests over the weekend; it was a Sunday when we were off work; it was good it happened when we were gone, even, because there was nothing we could have done and as traumatic as it was to find her, it probably would have been worse to watch her die.

Grandma was ninety-five. Grandma lived with us for just barely three years, after she reached a point where she could no longer stay in assisted living. In the days leading up to Sunday Grandma was in good spirits and energy. I always said that when Grandma died I would still be honest in my remembrances. Grandma was hard to live with! One of the first things everyone noticed is how quiet it is now, because Grandma used to talk constantly(and complain a fair amount, too). And so God used her in our lives.

Now we're all caught up in planning a funeral and preparing to host out-of-town family, and all pretty tired, but overall doing well.

Treadling Along

I finally got around to using my Great-Grandmother's treadle machine. Which she bought, used, back in 1911.

"I declare," said Ma, "I don't know how we ever got along without that sewing machine. It does the work so easily; tucking is no trouble at all. And such beautiful stitching. The best of seamstresses could not possibly equal it by hand."

-These Happy Golden Years, Laura Ingalls Wilder

It probably took me about an hour to finally get to sewing an actual straight seam. One thing that threw me off was that I had to crank the wheel away from me to stitch forwards, which somehow just went against my instincts. To get an even tread I had to put one foot forward and one foot on the back of the treadle plate, and there was a bit of a trick to it. And wow, it is slow compared to motorized sewing machines. But when I was done, I reached over to turn the machine off..... and there was nothing there. And that's cool.

Texas Road Trip

This past week I've been in Texas. I believe this was our fourth trip to Texas in four years.We visited two churches(this was a working trip for Dad) and also stopped at the MFamily-in-laws.

 In Texas with the Miss A's.

It was cold and snowing in Nebraska and Kansas when we left, but by the time we got down there it really wasn't much warmer in Texas than back home. We spent time with the P's in Kansas, then the M's in Texas, and finally the A's further south. The A's are a lot of fun and we always enjoy visiting them!

Grandma at Home

By my rough count Grandma has lived with us for a total of nine weeks. For the most part it's going very well. Grandma can still wash, dress and feed herself. However, she's very hard of hearing and has poor eyesight. On top of that Grandma has always been a strong-willed, outspoken woman. And like the little girl with the curl, when Grandma gets mad, she gets really mad.

Visiting Grandma once or twice a week did not entirely prepare me for this: when we would help her at her apartment she would be thankful and grateful, and if she was out of sorts she was usually just depressed, not angry. She couldn't live alone anymore, she knew it, and she very much wanted to move in with us. Which was all a huge change from just five years ago, when (at age 88) she insisted she would never want to live with us.

This past week has been probably the most challenging so far. Any little issue could become a point upon which Grandma could become a martyr. Grandma alternately doesn't want to trouble us and then a bit later will want to be pampered constantly. How do you tell a mad ninety-three year old woman who doesn't want to listen that she can't bawl people out? When Grandma acts like a selfish child how can one enforce understandable consequences?

Grandma could be a huge encouragement to the family if she had a mind to. She has the time to invest interest into her family, especially the boys who until now have seen any of their Grandparents but rarely. I'm very grateful I was able to care for Grandma before she moved here because I got to know her much better than most of the Grandchildren. And really, she's so old. She's a piece of family history that we'll lose once she's gone. But after thirty five years of living alone (plus good dollop of total depravity) she's so focused on herself she can't think of how she could be a blessing.

Grandma might turn out to be a cross to bear. And that could be a blessing too. We're still figuring it all out.